The candle ritual - light and love for your secular wedding ceremony
Fire - one of the five elements - has been with us since the beginning of mankind. In almost every culture, we find rituals centered around fire. So it's no wonder that the candle ritual is one of the most popular and festive ways to symbolically bring light, warmth and community into a secualar wedding ceremony.
The great thing about it is that you can personalize the ritual and include your closest family members and friends. Especially for multilingual couples or families with different nationalities and cultural backgrounds, this ritual offers a wonderful opportunity to make diversity visible: Each person who lights a candle can share good wishes, quotes or the meaning of a color with you in their native language. In this way, the language itself becomes part of the ritual - lively, emotional and unique.
Four candles - four paths in life
Traditionally, four candles are lit, each symbolizing a stage in your life - past, present, future and finally your love.
1. the candle of the past
This first candle represents your journey to this point: childhood, youth and everything that has brought you together. Who better to light this candle than your mothers? This gives them a special role on your big day - something that is often missing in traditional church or civil wedding ceremonies. Grandparents can also be included here if this is particularly important to you.
2. the candle of the present
The second candle symbolizes your current life - friendships, family, companions. Your siblings, witnesses or close friends can light the candle here. They are the people who accompany you now, support you and remind you in difficult times why you have chosen each other.
3. the candle of the future
This candle opens the view to the future. If you already have children, they can enrich the ritual at this point - with the support of their godparents if they are still too young. But other people can also light the future candle: perhaps friends who will soon become parents themselves, or people with whom you are planning an important project or a trip. The important thing is that it has to feel right and authentic for you. If the topic of children is painful, you can leave out the future candle or fill it with a different meaning.
4. the candle of your love
Finally, you both light the candle of love together - often a larger, personalized candle that you can keep even after the wedding. Many couples relight them every year on their wedding day - a beautiful symbol of your everlasting love.
Design options
Whether classic white, colored or in lanterns: the design of your candles is completely up to you. Each color has a specific meaning, and you can also choose the arrangement individually - on a tray, a wooden disc with glass cylinders (ideal for outdoors) or as a central light object.
After the ceremony, I often take the candles with me to the ceremony location so that the light continues to shine throughout the day.
Personal words make it unforgettable
The ritual is particularly touching if the people lighting the candle say a few words: a short poem, an anecdote from your childhood or a quote that describes your relationship. The meaning of the chosen color can also be addressed. For multilingual weddings, each person can express this in their own language - creating a ritual full of colors, voices and cultures that beautifully reflects the diversity of your union.
My tip as a wedding officiant
During the preparation, I work with you to feel which ritual suits you best. I often invite you to close your eyes and imagine the scene - it almost always becomes clear immediately what is right for you. The special thing about a secular wedding ceremony is that you can design everything to suit you. Whether one ritual or several - whatever feels right for you is allowed.
The candle ritual is a wonderful prelude: It creates a festive, warm atmosphere and gives you and your guests a moment to pause and reflect. A light that connects you - not only on your wedding day, but far beyond.
👉 I accompany couples not only in Brussels and everywhere in Belgium, but also in Germany (Hamburg, Berlin, Düsseldorf), France (Champagne, Région Parisienne, Provence), Luxembourg and Denmark. Especially for multilingual ceremonies, I bring my experience from over 50 international weddings to make your ritual as unique as your story.
